FINDING RELIEF FROM REJECTION

Written by on June 23, 2014 in Dating, Jackie Morrison

sad-girl-

Lightening the Load, Emptying the Mind, and Finding Relief from Rejection

Why getting over someone sometimes requires someone else but not in the way you think

My adventures with Captain America Light (aka Brett) continues. The one major lesson of meeting him has been realizing that relationships are a form of repair. All relationships. Not just romantic. Some relationship gurus promote the notion that love relationships are the highest form of growth boosting opportunities. Bollocks to that. Romance isn’t the only fertile breeding ground for evolving. Friendships and mentorships can be just as fruitful and sometimes more. In my humble opinion, all types of relationships are on equal status in terms of their value. Promoting the notion that romance is at the top of the chain is kind is a fast route to also promoting relationship dependence that is bad for us.

On this American Thanksgiving I told Brett that I’m grateful and thankful to be talking to him as a friend this year instead of his dark counterpart Ronan. Ronan, aka Captain America Dark, was a man who didn’t care whom he hurt and even worse, lacked any empathy to realize that his actions were hurtful to another. A popular meme on facebook these days carries the slogan: only a coward would make a woman fall for him with no intention of catching her or loving her back. Brett thinks the better word instead of coward in that sentence is sociopath. Spending time with him has helped me compare and contrast and finally admit that last year, I fell hard and fast for a sociopath.

Shouldn’t I be over it by now? Yes and no. Normal relationships and attractions happen naturally and end gradually within a reasonable amount of time. However, most men aren’t equipped with the capacity to psychologically profile a woman at professional level skills then use it to mind warp her. That is what Ronan did. He practically hacked into a psychological assessment of me complete with likes and dislikes, all my triggers, and combined with expert level NLP rapport building skills, created intense attraction in me towards him at will. My love was real but it was not natural. It was not Cupid’s arrow that shot me. No. It was Ronan’s manipulative sociopathic talents that played my mind like a violin. Captain America Dark was collecting trophies or love kills for his own amusement and entertainment. Thank God for EMDR because mental trauma isn’t fun. So I wrote a book rather than allow the experience to hurt me any more than it had.

By choosing to deal with rejection through the best that psychology had to offer I’ve gotten better at coping instead of becoming bitter. So by the time Captain America Light aka Brett showed up by surprise via Meetup, I could hear his advice without being defensive. Here is Brett’s take on rejection: I come from a very different psychological perspective from you I think. I really don’t have such an issue with rejection. If I did there isn’t a celebrity I admire enough that imagining them having my back would make me feel better. But who am I to say anything about what you do to become immune to rejection. Besides, love is just like destiny. Like heroes are killed in battle while the weak are spared. So too with love. You should pray about it.

On my feelings of letdown after my matchmaker tried to encourage me to go on a blind date with a 54-year-old man who claimed he was 51 but wanted kids for the first time: Well, you know what they say about pressure? It can make a diamond or bust a pipe. I personally go about it in two ways simultaneously. Trying to be a great noble good person, etc., for its own sake not to get validated by others. So people have less to criticize and if someone does then it is laughable because I already have a true sense of self-worth and self-respect. So what if I don’t do it for them. Secondly, it’s about genuinely not caring about others’ opinions of me. This is hard because it means I also have to truly not care when others have good opinions of me as well.

Not only was Brett taking it all in good stride when a college girl told him at the mall that he looked like Justin Bieber but he didn’t allow it to get to his head when I say he reminds me of Bradley Cooper. Ronan was conscious of his resemblance to Colin Farrell and didn’t hesitate to remind me when I said that my friend Thor looked like Michael Fassbender. I mean, who says that about themselves? Brett advises me to stay away from focusing too much on celebrities when complementing men. He tells me to find out who they admire and then find traits that they share with whomever they admire. Then comment on that.

Brett is in my life for many reasons that I’m discovering one after the other. By going with the flow and welcoming people into my life, I’m learning and growing still. Brett is pretty wise and so it makes sense to learn from him. He is also a typical Southern gentleman with roots in the Deep South and New England. Something tells me that Brett is also a lesson in choosing people with depth instead of attractive but shallow types from Orange County. Not all O.C. folks are that way but Captain America Dark certainly may have been. Ronan was cruel but just like another meme on facebook says: how people treat you says everything about them and nothing about you. Certainly when it’s unprovoked and you’ve done nothing to them this slogan is true. After all, I never gave Ronan permission to violate my privacy and use it to his psychological advantage.

Brett is in my life for many reasons that I’m discovering one after the other. By going with the flow and welcoming people into my life, I’m learning and growing still. Brett is pretty wise and so it makes sense to learn from him. He is also a typical Southern gentleman with roots in the Deep South and New England. Something tells me that Brett is also a lesson in choosing people with depth instead of attractive but shallow types from Orange County. Not all O.C. folks are that way but Captain America Dark certainly may have been. Ronan was cruel but just like another meme on facebook says: how people treat you says everything about them and nothing about you. Certainly when it’s unprovoked and you’ve done nothing to them this slogan is true. After all, I never gave Ronan permission to violate my privacy and use it to his psychological advantage.

Brett says this about Ronan’s actions: it’s done now. You’re safe. He is not harming your mind anymore. He’s right. Once upon a time I told Captain America Dark that I felt safe with him. Now, it’s Captain America Light who reminds me that I’m safe. Not because of him but simply because I am safe.

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About the Author

About the Author: Jackie Morrison is a pop culture and entertainment writer, foreign and indie film lover, old fashioned bookworm, and long-time Law & Order fan. Jackie is more likely to be found at a foreign or indie film festival instead of a major studio movie's opening night. Jackie lives in Southern California with her German Shepherd and the love of her life near the beach. For fun, she is brushing up on my German and practice kundalini yoga. .

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